Sunday, April 5, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Worth of Women in Islam
Worth of Women in Islam
The Prophet's (SAW) narrations speak of women with praise and respect. He (SAW) once said:
"The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." (Sahih Muslim)
He (SAW) also said:
"...Let me inform you about the best a man hoards; it is a virtuous woman who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives her a command, and guards his interests when he is away from her." (Sunan Abu Dawud)
The Prophet (SAW) said:
"Made beloved to me from your world are women and perfume, and the coolness of my eyes is in prayer." (Ahmad and An-Nasa'i)
Information from The Rights and Duties of Women in Islam
By Abdul Ghaffar Hasan
A Muslim Woman and Free Time
A Muslim Woman and Free Time
By Sister A. Mosher
Free time. Everyone seems to wish they had more of it. Being a wife and the mother of seven children I have often thought to myself that if only I had some free time I would … What would I do? Here we come to a universal truth about free time. It is used in one of two ways. Either it is put to good use or it is wasted, sometimes in sinful use. Of course, we will all agree that performing some sort of 'ibaadah would be the ideal use of free time. However, we often forget that the performance of 'ibaadah is the very reason for our life on earth. Allah, ta'aalaa says:
I have not created jinn and humans except so that they may worship. [Adh-Dhaariyaat 56]
Allah (SWT) did not create humans without reason. Nor did He create them for the sake of spending their time in pointless activity. He created them for 'ibaadah in the complete meaning of 'ibaadah - worship of Him as the one Almighty Lord of the Worlds. 'Ibaadah refers not just to ritual, physical, and mental acts of 'ibaadah such as salaah, siyaam, zakaah, and Hajj.
These are the arkaan of 'ibaadah. The true and complete meaning of the word 'ibaadah includes much more. As Ibn Taymiyah puts it, 'ibaadah is "a comprehensive word that refers to all that Allah loves and all that pleases Him."
So…how does all this tie in with a woman and free time? If we examine the question and take a deeper look at exactly how 'ibaadah is performed in a woman's life, the desire for "free time" takes on a new meaning. Adh-Dhahabee related in Sayr A'laam An-Nubalaa from Asmaa bint Yazeed ibn As-Sakan (radiallahu 'anhaa) that she went to the Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam) and said,
"O Messenger of Allaah, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you. I have come to you on behalf of the women. Verily Allaah has sent you to men and women. We have believed in you. We do not go out and we remain in your homes. We are your source of physical pleasure. We carry your children. A man goes out to pray jum'ah and jamaa'ah, and follows the janaazah. And if you go out for hajj, or 'umrah, or jihaad, we look after your wealth. We wash your clothing. We raise your children. Shall we not share in the reward?" The Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam) turned to his Companions and said, "Have you ever heard anything a woman has said better than what she has said?"
Then he (SAW) said to her,
"Understand O woman, and inform the other women. Indeed a woman's perfection of her relationship with her husband, her seeking his pleasure, and doing that which he approves of is equivalent to all of that." Asmaa left exclaiming "Laa ilaaha illallaah. "
Here, the Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam) explains an important aspect of 'ibaadah which applies uniquely to women. He informs us of the way to her success and how she has been granted this distinguished form of worship, one that many of us complain about. It is equivalent to jihaad, praying jum'ah and jamaa'ah. It is commensurate to participating in the janaazah, performance of hajj and 'umrah. This 'ibaadah is the perfection of her relationship with her husband her seeking his pleasure, obeying him, and doing that which he approves of. It is the caring for her children and her home and remaining within her home. Allah, ta'aalaa, in His incomparable mercy, has provided her with other deeds which replace those deeds that men usually perform, so that she may achieve equal reward.
One might argue that most all women participate in these actions on a daily basis, even the disbelieving women. However, the concerns of a Muslim woman are nobler. She sets her sights high in her actions. She is aware that her every act, when performed Islamically, is an expression of her worship of Allaah, ta'aalaa. What is it that makes a woman wish for free time? Usually it is a need for a more personal time period wherein she may direct her energies into something that she would individually benefit from and enjoy. There is nothing wrong with this and indeed, when done with the correct intention, this too falls into 'ibaadah. However, the waste of free time is an evil that many of us succumb to. The world is filled with opportunities for us to waste our time. Shaytaan whispers here and there and before you know it we've intended well but failed to follow through. All of us are prone to wasting our time or failing to take opportunities to use our time well. This is how it happens:
Tasweef - Putting things off until "later". It is very easy to fall into a rut of aspiring to do good while not putting forth a sincere effort. Success in doing good things with our time is much like repentance. Is repentance sincere if you just think about it, express your desire to repent, and then say, "Oh, maybe I'll repent next month"? Similarly, if you wish to memorize Qur-aan, or further your knowledge, but continually put your efforts on a back burner, you've fallen into tasweef. In order to succeed at something we must first rectify our intention, then make sure that the thing we are aspiring to is in accordance with the Qur-aan and Sunnah, and finally we must step forward with a firm foot. We must be serious in our commitment.
Going Out. Affairs outside our home can be harmful as well as haraam. Would you even think that going shopping could fall into this? Don't be surprised. Islam directs that a woman is primarily meant to remain in her home. She may come out for her needs. If she goes out, according to the conditions of the sharee'ah, for a need which her husband cannot fulfill for her, then there is nothing against that. But, sometimes we fall into a western mentality of role sharing. Now there is nothing wrong with a husband helping his wife out and vice-versa. However, a woman taking over responsibilities of the husband with the intention of "making things easier on him" is skirting on the questionable. This is particularly so when we talk of shopping and other such needed but not always necessary tasks. A better way would be to organize herself and her household affairs and that of her children by simplifying her lifestyle and cutting back on the unnecessary.
A Muslim woman's constant going to the markets to make the household purchases and her desire to do so is wrong. Some women have no intention to purchase anything. They just want to walk around the market and see what's new. Maybe there's a new style, new material, something nice. So she has no true need to go out. And we know the hadeeth of the Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam) who said,
"If a woman goes out of her home Shaytaan will attract attention to her presence." [At-Tirmidhi Saheeh]
meaning he will draw attention to her presence and make use of the opportunity either in tempting her or tempting others through her. If a woman remains in her home then shaytaan cannot do this. The Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam) also said that if a woman goes out of her home she
"appears in the form of a shaytaan and she leaves in the form of shaytaan." [Muslim]
How? The scholars have said that shaytaan comes to those who are before her and make her coming out appear attractive to those who are looking. And when she leaves he makes her appear attractive to those who are present and see her leaving. So she causes people to look at her and she causes their temptation. Allaah, ta'aalaa and His Messenger, sallaallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, have ordered us to remain in our homes and to come out only for true need to do so.
"And remain in your homes" are the words of Allaah addressed to the believing women and the wives of the Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam). The word in the aayah, "qarna" means to remain and adhere. Allaah has ordered the woman to adhere, to stay, and not merely to sit, in her home. She should accustom herself to staying home and not going out. And if she does go out she should feel uncomfortable in doing so. A sign of eemaan of a true believing woman is her feeling that her home is where she belongs. And a sign of a diseased heart is that of a woman who feels uncomfortable staying at home. Examine your heart for the stirrings of disease. Treat yourself by applying Allaah's command. By rectifying our hearts contentment can be bred and truly appreciated.
The Telephone. Ah, the telephone. A wonderful invention it was, without doubt. It did away with a lot of travel, sending messages by hand, and unexpected visitors. But it also brought us the opportunity for wasting large blocks of our time and, sometimes, committing serious sin such as talking about things that are none of our business. A telephone does indeed fulfill a need for us as women. It provides us with an opportunity to "visit" with our friends and family without leaving our homes. We can share a cup of tea with a friend as a relaxation from the occupation of daily chores. But, it can also steal valuable time that can be put to more beneficial use. Use it with attention and care or you will find that it will use you.
Music and Singing: Allaah, ta'aalaa says:
"And befool them gradually those whom you can among them with your voice, [i.e. songs, music, and any other call for Allaah's disobedience] make assaults on them with your cavalry and your infantry." (17:64)
"And of mankind is he who purchases idle talk [music, singing, etc.]" (31:6)
In explaining this aayah Ibn Mas'ood (RA) said:
"Wallaahi Laa ilaaha illaa huwa this refers to music and singing." The Prophet (sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam) said, "There will come among my nation a group of people making permissible the wearing of silk (for men) the drinking of wine, and the usage of musical instruments." [Al-Bukhaari]
This was pointing to the fact that such deeds were originally forbidden but would be made permissible in later times by those who stray from the correct path. I'm sure we can all agree that Allaah has not forbidden a thing except for the corruption or harm that it contains. Now, there may be Muslims that listen to music for pleasure. If you are one of them, I advise you to research the subject to learn of its impermissibility and work on your eemaan. A mu'min would turn to Qur'aan for such pleasure. I like to believe that most Muslims do not listen to music but rather find it an unintentional part of their lives - on the radio, while listening to the news, computer software, and the like.
If you are truly benefiting from such things, don't fall into the neglectful habit of not turning the sound down whenever music comes on. It's so easy to do - to just sit there and think that it will stop in a minute. This occurs a lot with children, especially with computer software and video games. If they can't use them without the sound and the sound is full of music then maybe the actual benefit should be reconsidered. Sooner or later we will tire of turning it down or having to constantly say, "Turn down the music!" And, sooner or later, we will find music a constant element of our lives. Sooner or later.
Gossip and Backbiting: Most of us have, at one time or another chewed the flesh of someone. It may have been an enemy or a friend, an acquaintance, a supervisor, or an employee, or even our own spouse or child. Gossip and backbiting are nasty deeds and they can become habitual. Though not restricted to females, it is notoriously recurrent in us. We have a reputation for it. We fall into it easily. And again, it is usually idle time, time not well spent, that is the trap laid into which we place our wagging tongues. When we call a sister just to talk, how many times do our conversations turn to the affairs of others? When this happens do we forbid what is wrong and command what is right? Do we discuss shared secrets under the pretense of seeking advice When we call or go to visit do we start with good intent but fall into talk that rings with "Did you hear…?" "Can you believe that she…?" and "So-and-so said this and that." Often talk enters into the perimeters of the haraam, causing us to use our free time in an extremely detrimental way. Even our silence to its occurrence is an abuse of time for which we are accountable.
Films and Television: This is a particularly dangerous tool of learning and change. Audio/video anything has the incredible ability of making lasting impressions in the mind and upon the soul. Mannerisms, morals, and beliefs can be culled from them. If exposure is continuous the influence can begin to be seen within a very short period of time, in changes of belief as well as in the amount of time spent viewing. Don't fool yourself into thinking that children are the only ones who are impressionable and susceptible. Adults can be just as easily influenced and addicted. Now, consider this view of films and television shows, given by the lecturer Sa'eed bin Misfir Al-Qahtaanee.
"A film or a show is basically a story. A liar called a writer or producer writes it. After he writes it he approaches a group of other liars and actors with the intent to perform and bring the story to life. You play this role and you perform this part. You're the mother, you play the father, you the son, and so on, and they sit together for two, three, or four months to produce the story and present it to the people. And then people spend long stretches of time sitting together following the story as if it were true while in reality it is a lie. Actually a person shouldn't even be looking at it. . . They even have a way of capturing the viewers attention by leaving them in suspense at the end of the show so that they will make it a point to watch the next show."
Granted, there are possibilities for useful and permissible use of television and video. But the concern is in that which is, without question, forbidden. Ask yourself, "Am I watching or listening to things that I really, Islamically, should not?" Am I using my time well in doing so?
We are left with the subject of how to use our free time beneficially. The world is filled with activities. How do we choose who, what, when, and where and at the same time reassure ourselves of why? Here are a few principles that can put some perspective and equilibrium into our lives.
Fear Allah (SWT)! Place this feeling into everything that you approach in your life. Keep in mind the pillars of our Deen - not just that of Eemaan and Islam but particularly of Ihsaan - "to worship Allaah as if you see Him and, though you cannot see Him, know that He sees you" [Mutafaqun 'alaih]. What a powerful statement! Make it words to live by. Also remember that our entire lives and the world around us is a test. Know that you will be asked how you spent your time, your money, your health, and your wealth. Allaah, ta'aalaa tells us in Soorat Al-Kahf:
Indeed We have made that which is on earth as an adornment for it, in order that We may test them (mankind) as to which of them are best in deeds. (18:7)
Please read The Ill Effects of Television
Pay attention to your life and the outlook you put into your day-to-day activities. Allaah observes us. He knows our every movement. We should consider this observance and emphasize our awareness of Allaah. If we fear Allaah and maintain our consciousness of Him we will be more responsible with our time and our use of it.
Be Responsible and Responsive. As women we have varying circumstances and situations within the folds of our lives and our responsibilities vary accordingly. First and foremost we are responsible to Allaah. All of our obligations in life are subjective to this. If we could only keep this is mind most things would fall into place and much wrong avoided. But sometimes we overindulge ourselves in personal desires causing us to neglect areas of responsibility to the point that we step over the bounds of right into wrong. The fabric of our lives is as different and varying as fingerprints. Some of us are married though others are not. We may live all alone or within an extended family home. You may have a child or two, others have a houseful, while even others have none. Therein each of us will find a different balance of responsibilities and a varying amount of free time. If you were to list all of the responsibilities that you have as a woman you might feel a bit exasperated. However, the key is not in making a "To Do" list but more a reminder to be responsive to those things around you that need you.
For example, a baby has a right to the breastmilk that Allah has created for its nourishment. A mother has an obligation to offer it. But the responsive part of this relationship is recognizing that the child needs not just the milk but the loving, caring warmth, the emotional cradling, the comforting nipple of his mother's breast. A relationship of physical contact and emotion is created and needed, one for which a bottle is a poor replacement. A baby is not aware of the nutritional difference that mother's milk provides over other milks. But she is aware of the difference in comfort, closeness, and affinity that she feels when she nurses from her mother's own milk. By looking beyond the "right" and "obligation" aspects of our lives and turning our minds to the benefit, reward, and fulfillment that can be gained by living out our responsibilities we can find pleasure and satisfaction in things that are otherwise done without attention or enjoyment. In the patchwork of our lives we will find that there is blessing in whatever Allaah has given us if we only look for it, nurture it, and give it its due. The more responsive we are to our individual blessings, the more benefit we will gain. Be responsive to the daily situations that Allaah places you in. Act and react with full awareness of your duties to all aspects of your life and the people and things within it. Stop and ask yourself if you are truly fulfilling the rights of Allaah, the rights of others, and the rights of yourself.
Keep Good Company. Most of us have a "best friend". She (or even he) is the one whom we call and discuss our innermost feelings and concerns with, the one with whom we share our day-to-day happenings and thoughts, the one whom we turn to for advice. No wonder the Prophet, sallaallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said,
"A person follows the faith of his friend. Therefore, consider with whom you make friends." [Abu Dawud, At-Tirmidhi]
A good companion is one who will listen, yet stop you if you gossip. She will encourage you toward good when you incline toward evil. She will tell you that you are wrong when you need to hear it. She will remind you of Allah and remind you to remember Him. She will prohibit you from disobedience to Him. And perhaps most importantly, she will do this without fear of losing you as a friend just as you, if you are worthy of such a companion, will accept it with a good heart and thank Allah for the blessing of such a good friend.
Identify Your Weaknesses and Desires. All of us have them. Some of us control them. Many of us indulge in them. It could be talking on the phone, e-mailing friends, going shopping, social engagements, an outside job, even going out for da'wah or education. Any one of these activities has the potential to turn into a platform for misuse of time and neglect of responsibility. As part of a balanced life there is no harm in participating in any or all of these things as long as they involve nothing forbidden. But if they overshadow or negatively affect the other areas of your life, particularly those things that are obligations, you could be setting yourself up for some major questioning on the Day of Judgment. Sit with yourself and examine where and how you spend your time.
Often we may find that we give an abundance of our time to things that are beneficial but not really necessary while other areas of our lives are not being cared for properly. Single out those things that seem to dominate your life. Examine them for their value. Are you sacrificing time from other obligations in your life to make room for them? Does it affect your relationships with the people in your life? We don't have to give up the things we enjoy. We just need to maintain the equilibrium that is necessary to balance the many balls that we choose to juggle.
Free time is a luxury that most of us enjoy and would appreciate more of. But in doing so we must keep in mind that every second that ticks by comes to an end and does not return until we are called to account for it. Spend your time well as it is stated so superbly by the Lord of the Worlds:
By al-'Asr (Time) Verily mankind is in loss Except those who believe, and do good righteous deeds, and those who enjoin one another to truth and those who enjoin one another to patience. (103: 1-3)
Information from Al-Haramain Online Monthly Magazine VOl. 4 Issues 4&5
Attributes of a Righteous Wife
Attributes of a Righteous Wife
"If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (i.e. Ramadan), guards her private parts, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her, ‘Enter Paradise through whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.’" (Sahih Al-Bukhari)
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Devotion and Obedience to Allah (SWT) such that she fulfills His rights, such as the prayer, fasting, chastity covering herself, withholding her gaze and so on.
Obedience to Her Husband in that which does not involve disobedience to Allah (SWT) such that she fulfills his rights completely. Allah's Messenger (SAW) said,
"If I were to order anyone to prostrate to other than Allah, I would have ordered the woman to prostrate to her husband. By Him in whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad, the woman will not fulfill the rights of her Lord until she fulfills the rights of her husband; and even if he were to request her for herself (i.e. to have intercourse with her) whilst she was sitting upon a camel's saddle, she should not refuse him."
(Sahih, reported by Ibn Maajah and Ahmad from Abdullah ibn Awfaa)
The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said,
"It is not right that any human being should prostrate to another human being, and if it were right for a human being to prostrate to another human being I would have ordered the woman to prostrate to her husband due to the greatness of his rights upon her. By Him in whose Hand is my soul, if from his foot the crown of his head there was a wound pouring forth with pus, and she (his wife) came and licked that,
then she would (still) not have fulfilled his right." (Good, reported by Ahmad and others)
The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said,
"If the woman knew the right of the husband, she would not sit when his morning and evening meals were presented until he finished." (Reported by al-Bazzar and others)
That She Guards and Preserves Herself and Her Honor, in the Absence of Her Husband, from the hand of anyone wishing to touch her, the eye of anyone wishing to look upon her, and the ear of anyone wishing to listen to her.
Likewise that she preserves her husband’s children, home and wealth. Allah (SWT) says:
"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.)…" (An-Nisa’ 4:34)
As-Sa’dee said, "They are obedient to Allah (SWT), they are obedient to their husbands even when the husbands are absent and she guards herself and her husband’s property."
The Prophet (SAW) said,
"If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (i.e. Ramadan), guards her private parts, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her, ‘Enter Paradise through whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.’" (Sahih Al-Bukhari)
Serving Her Husband. First of all by carrying out what is required in his house, such as bringing up and educating the children, preparing the meals and the beds and so on.
From Husayn ibn Mihsan who said that my paternal aunt said,
"I came to Allah’s Messenger (SAW) for some need, so he asked, ‘You there! Are you married?’ I replied, ‘Yes.’ He then asked, ‘How are you towards your husband?’ She responded, ‘I do not fall short in his service except with regard to what I am unable to do.’ He said, ‘Then look to your standing with him, for indeed he is your Paradise and your Fire.’" (Sahih, reported by al-Haadim and others)
Here is an example of how Asma bint Abu Bakr (RA), served her husband. She said,
"Az-Zubayr married me and he did not have any property or slaves or anything upon the earth except for a camel which drew water from the well and his horse. So I used to feed his horse, draw the water, stitch his water bucket, and prepare the dough, but I was not proficient in baking bread - so ladies from the Ansar who were my neighbors and were honorable used to bake the bread for me. I also used to carry the date-stones upon my head, from the land given to az-Zubayr by Allah’s Messenger (SAW) - and it was about two miles away. One day when I was coming with the date-stones on my head, I met Allah’s Messenger (SAW) and a group of the Ansar were with him. So he called me and said, ‘Ikh, ikh (a word said to make the camel kneel down.).’ in order to carry me behind him upon the camel. But I felt shy to proceed along with the men, and I thought of az-Zubayr and his sense of jealousy, and he was one of the most jealous of the people. So Allah’s Messenger (SAW) saw my shyness and so passed on. So I came to az-Zubayr and said, ‘Allah’s Messenger (SAW) met me while I was carrying the date-stones upon my head and with him were a group of his Companions. He caused his riding camel to kneel, but I felt shy and remembered your sense of jealousy.’ So he said, ‘By Allah (SWT) your having to carry the date-stones is harder upon me than that you should ride along with him.’" She said, "Then later on Abu Bakr sent me a servant to look after the horse, so it was if he had set me free." (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
The scholars differ with regard to the ruling about a woman serving her husband. Shaykhul-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah said, "The scholars differed about whether she has to serve her husband with regard to the like of household bedding, preparing food and drinks, baking the bread, grinding the corn, and providing food for his slaves and cattle - such as providing fodder for his riding beast and so on."
Some of them say: It is not obligatory for her to serve him - and this is a weak saying, like the weakness of the saying that it is not obligatory upon her to live together with him and have intercourse with him! However what is correct is that it is obligatory to serve him, since the husband is her master according to the Book of Allah (SWT), and she is a captive with him according to the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW), and the captive and the slave have to serve - and this is something known. Allah (SWT) says:
"…Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.)…" (An-Nisa’ 4:34)
The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said in the sermon of the Farewell Pilgrimage:
"…treat your women well, for they are captives with you." (Hasan Sahih, reported by at-Tirmidhee)
This Ayat shows that it is obligatory upon her to serve her husband unrestrictedly, including: serving him, traveling along with him, making herself available to him, and so on - just as it is obligatory to obey the parents, since the obedience due from her to the parents transfers to the husband.
Keeping the Husband's Secrets. Particularly what occurs between him and her in private - with regard to sexual matters and the private affairs within the marriage. Disclosing the husbands secrets will hurt him and anger him and this contradicts obedience to him and seeking to please him. Furthermore preserving his secrets is one of the duties of the righteous and obedient woman, as described in the Saying of Allah (SWT),
"…Guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.)…" (An-Nisa’ 4:34)
Part of their guarding what they are to guard in the absence of their husbands is that they should not broadcast their secrets.
From Asma bint Yazeed (RA), who said that she was in the company of Allah's Messenger (SAW) and men and women were sitting, and he (SAW) said,
"Perhaps a man mentions that which he did with his wife, and perhaps a woman informs of what she does with her husband?!" So the people were silent, so I said, "Yes, by Allah (SWT), O Messenger of Allah (SAW)! The women certainly do that, and the men certainly do that." He (SAW) said, "Then do not do so, since that is just like a male devil meeting a female devil upon the way, and he has intercourse with
her while the people are watching." (Reported by Ahmad and there are witnessing narration’s which raise it to the level of being Sahih or Hasan at the very least)
She Should Appear Before the Husband in the Best Appearance, such that if he looks at her it pleases him.
Abu Hurairah (RA), narrates the Messenger Of Allah (SAW) was asked,
"Which of the women is the best?" He replied, "The one who gives him (the husband) pleasure when he looks (at her outer beauty, or the inner beauty of her good character and how she devotes herself to obedience to Allah and taqwa); obeys him when he orders; and does not go against his wishes with regard to herself or her wealth by doing that which he dislikes." (Sahih Muslim, reported by an-Nasaa’ee, al-Haakim and Ahmad)
She Should Not Spend Any of His Wealth or Her Wealth Except With His Permission
From Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (RA) who said that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said,
"It is not permissible for a woman to give a gift
except with the permission of her husband." (Hasan, reported by Abu Dawud an-Nasaa’ee and Ahmad)
Al-Albani (ra) said, "However it is not becoming for the husband - if he is a sincere Muslim - that he should use this ruling to play the tyrant with his wife and to prevent her from utilizing her wealth in a manner which will not harm either of them. Indeed this right is very similar to the right of the girls guardian - who is such that she cannot get herself married except with his permission. But if he unjustly prevents her, then the matter is raised to the Islamic judge for justice to be attained. Likewise is the ruling with regard to a woman’s wealth if her husband oppresses her and prevents her from spending her wealth in a lawful and prescribed manner - then the judge will also bring about justice for her. So there is no problem with the ruling itself, rather the problem is in how it is misused."
She Should Not Permit Anyone to Enter Her Husband's House Except With His Permission
From Abu Hurairah (RA), who said that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said,
"It is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is present except with his permission; nor may she permit anyone to enter his house except with his permission; and whatever she spends in charity without his order - then half of the reward is for him." (Reported by Al-Bukhari)
She Should Not Ask Her Husband For Divorce Without a Reason Necessitating That
From Thawbaan (RA), who said that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said,
"Whichever woman asks her husband for divorce without a strong reason - then the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden for her." (Sahih Muslim, reported by Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhee and others)
Avoidance of Cursing
Abu Sa’eed al-Khudree (RA) said, "The Messenger of Allah (SAW) went out to the prayer-ground for the (prayer of) Adhaa or Fitr, and he passed by the women and said,
‘O women! Give in charity, for I have been shown that you shall be the majority of the people in the Fire.’ So they asked, ‘Why is that, O Messenger of Allah (SAW)!’ He replied, ‘You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands.’" (Reported by Al-Bukhari)
Being Thankful to the Husband for the good he does and for his good treatment to his wife.
This is accomplished by good words, and by her obedience to him in what is good, and by not forgetting his good treatment and avoiding denying this, since that is one of the reasons which brings about the entry into the Fire.
From Ibn Abbass (RA), who said that the Prophet (SAW) said,
"I was shown the Fire and found that the majority of its inhabitants were women, due to ingratitude. It was said: "Is it that they disbelieve in Allah?" He said: They are ungrateful to their husbands and deny the good they do. If you were to treat one of them well always, and she then saw something (displeasing) from you she would say: ‘I have never seen any good from you.’" (Reported by Al-Bukhari)
Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said,
"Allah will not look at a woman who is not thankful to her husband and she cannot do without him."
She Should Not Remove Her Clothes Outside Her Husband's House
Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said,
"Whichever woman removes her clothes in other than her house, then Allah (SWT), will tear down His cover from her." (Sahih-Jami, reported by al-Haakim and others)
Al-Manawee said, "’Allah (SWT) will tear down His cover from her’ since because she has failed to take care of what she has been commanded with regard to covering herself from strangers, then this is the recompense she receives, the recompense being of the type of the action. What is apparent is that removal of her clothing means uncovering herself to strange males, for the purpose of sexual intercourse or that which leads to it. As opposed to the case if she were to remove her clothes amongst women, whilst covering her private parts, since there is no reason for that to enter into this warning."
Striving to Please the Husband by Every Possible Means
The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said,
"Your women from the people of Paradise are the beloved and fertile, the one who is an asset to her husband, who if her husband becomes angry - comes and places her hand in the hand of her husband and says, ‘I will not taste sleep until you are pleased (with me).’"
In al-Kabaa’ir of adh-Dhahabee, "What is obligatory upon the woman is that she seeks the pleasure of her husband, and avoids angering him, and does not refuse him whenever he wants her. The woman must also know that she is like a slave to her husband, so she should not do anything affecting herself or her husbands wealth except with his permission. She should give precedence to his rights over her rights, and the rights of his relatives over the rights of her relatives, and she should keep herself clean and be ready for him to enjoy her. She should not boast at his expense of her beauty, nor rebuke him for any ugliness found in him. The woman must also be always modest and reserved in the presence of her husband, lower her eyes in front of him, obey his commands, remain silent when he speaks, keep far away form everything which angers him, avoid treachery when he is absent, with regard to his bed, his wealth and his house. She should ensure that her aroma is pleasant, be accustomed to using musk and perfume and cleaning her mouth with miswaak. She should be constant in adorning herself in his presence and not when he is absent. She should treat his family and relatives honorably, and consider something small from him as something great."
Information From The Righteous Wife
By Muhammad Shoomaan
Translated by Aboo Talhah Daawood ibn Ronald Burbank
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Hijab
What the Bible Says
If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head. (1 Corinthians 11:6-10)
What the Qur'an Says
O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies. That will be better, that they should be known so as not to be annoyed. (Qur'an, 33:59)
And when you ask them (the wives of the Prophet) for anything you want, ask them from behind a curtain: that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts. (Qur'an, 33:53)
Commentary
The Bible instructs women to cover their heads. The purpose of the covering is to show the authority of men over them because men are the image and glory of Allah while women are the glory of men! Because of this teaching, some non-Muslims think that Muslim women, who wear the veil, are ill-treated and neglected.
Unlike the Bible, the Qur'an instructs women to wear the veil for their protection. The veil is one of the Islamic measures to create a righteous society and to block the roads leading to fornication and adultery. The Qur'an clarifies that the veil makes wicked men stay away from women. Furthermore, the veil purifies the heart from immoral thoughts and temptation because showing beauty may excite men's sexual feelings. On the other hand, the Qur'an allows women to show their beauty to other women, their husbands and some close relatives in addition to children.
More about the Issue of Modesty and Interaction
There exists, among Muslims a big gap between the ideal of the real. Cultural practices on both extremes do exist. Some Muslims emulate non Islamic cultures and adopt the modes of dress, unrestricted mixing and behavior resulting in corrupting influences of Muslims and endangering the family's integrity and strength. On the other hand, in some Muslim cultural undue and excessive restrictions is not seclusion are believed to be the ideal. Both extremes seem to contradict the normative teachings of Islam and are not consistent with the virtuous yet participative nature of the society at the time of the Prophet Muhammad.
Parameters of proper modesty for males and females (dress and behavior) are based on revelatory sources (the Qur'an and authentic Sunnah) and as such are seen by believing men and women as divinely based guidelines with legitimate aims, and divine wisdom behind them. They are not male imposed or socially imposed restrictions.
The notion of near total seclusion of women is alien to the prophetic period. Interpretation problems in justifying seclusion reflect, in part, cultural influences and circumstances in different Muslim countries.
If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head. (1 Corinthians 11:6-10)
What the Qur'an Says
O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies. That will be better, that they should be known so as not to be annoyed. (Qur'an, 33:59)
And when you ask them (the wives of the Prophet) for anything you want, ask them from behind a curtain: that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts. (Qur'an, 33:53)
Commentary
The Bible instructs women to cover their heads. The purpose of the covering is to show the authority of men over them because men are the image and glory of Allah while women are the glory of men! Because of this teaching, some non-Muslims think that Muslim women, who wear the veil, are ill-treated and neglected.
Unlike the Bible, the Qur'an instructs women to wear the veil for their protection. The veil is one of the Islamic measures to create a righteous society and to block the roads leading to fornication and adultery. The Qur'an clarifies that the veil makes wicked men stay away from women. Furthermore, the veil purifies the heart from immoral thoughts and temptation because showing beauty may excite men's sexual feelings. On the other hand, the Qur'an allows women to show their beauty to other women, their husbands and some close relatives in addition to children.
More about the Issue of Modesty and Interaction
There exists, among Muslims a big gap between the ideal of the real. Cultural practices on both extremes do exist. Some Muslims emulate non Islamic cultures and adopt the modes of dress, unrestricted mixing and behavior resulting in corrupting influences of Muslims and endangering the family's integrity and strength. On the other hand, in some Muslim cultural undue and excessive restrictions is not seclusion are believed to be the ideal. Both extremes seem to contradict the normative teachings of Islam and are not consistent with the virtuous yet participative nature of the society at the time of the Prophet Muhammad.
Parameters of proper modesty for males and females (dress and behavior) are based on revelatory sources (the Qur'an and authentic Sunnah) and as such are seen by believing men and women as divinely based guidelines with legitimate aims, and divine wisdom behind them. They are not male imposed or socially imposed restrictions.
The notion of near total seclusion of women is alien to the prophetic period. Interpretation problems in justifying seclusion reflect, in part, cultural influences and circumstances in different Muslim countries.
Believe It or Not: You were Born Muslim!
In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful
Believe It or Not: You were Born Muslim!
Umm Rashid
What would you call a religion whose beliefs, practices and followers are being bashed and bad-mouthed in practically every sphere of activity, in almost every corner of the globe, yet it attracts ever-increasing numbers of people?
A Paradox? A Miracle ? Or simply, The Truth: Islaam.
The fact that Islaam is the fastest growing religion in the world today, is proof that our Creator has taken it upon Himself to perfect the Truth that He sent all His prophets and messengers with -- from Aadam [AS] to Muhammad [SAW].
Studies conducted in the West show that the sheer number of new Muslims is changing the demographic profile of countries all over the world, and not all of them are born into Muslim families. With some 6 million adherents in the United States, Islam is said to be the nation's fastest-growing religion. One expert estimates that 25,000 people a year become Muslims in this country; some clerics say they have seen conversion rates quadruple since Sept 11.
Ironically for a religion that is routinely bashed for "subjugating" and "oppressing" its female followers, the number of female reverts to Islaam outnumber the males 4:1!
The fact that more and more people are finding their way to Islaam, notwithstanding the relentless propaganda, deliberate misinformation and outright prejudice against it, never ceases to amaze me.
How do these people navigate in the darkness to find the light of Islaam in spite of all the obstacles in the way?
The answer is that our Creator has granted each one of us a guiding light -- a pure, undefiled innate nature called the fitrah. Unlike Christians who believe in the doctrine of Original Sin and assert that each baby is born tainted with the sin of Adam's disobedience to God, Muslims believe that every child is born into a state of purity where it recognizes its Creator and is naturally subservient to His laws.
In his book The Fundamentals of Islaamic Monotheism, Abu Ameenah Bilaal Philips writes: Just as a child's body submits to the physical laws which Allaah has put in nature, its soul also submits naturally to the fact that Allaah is its Lord and Creator. But its parents try to make it follow their own way and the child is not strong enough in the early stages of its life to resist or oppose its parents. The religion which the child follows at this stage is one of custom and upbringing and Allaah does not hold it to account for this religion.
When the child matures in youth and clear proofs of the falsehood of its religion are brought to it, the adult must now follow the religion of knowledge and reason. At this point the devils try their best to encourage him to stay as he is or to go further astray. Evils are made pleasing to him and he must now live in the midst of a struggle between his innate pure nature and his desires in order to find the right road.
If he chooses to follow his innate nature, his fitrah, Allaah will help him overcome his desires even though it may take most of his life to escape, for many people enter Islaam in their old age.
The Qur'aan also points to this phenomenon, where every soul that has been created is asked Who their Lord is, and they testify that it is none other than Allaah before they are born into the world.
When your Lord drew forth from the loins of the children of Aadam their descendants and made them testify concerning themselves. Saying: Am I not your Lord? They said: "Yes, we testify to it." (This) in case you say on the Day of Judgement, "We were unaware of this." Or in case you say: It was our ancestors who made partners (with Allaah) and we are only their descendants…[Surah Al-A'raaf 7:172-173]
Explaining this verse, the Prophet [SAW] said: When Allaah created Aadam [AS] , He took a covenant from him …then He extracted from him all of his descendants who would be born until the end of the world, generation after generation and spread them out in front of Him in order to take a covenant from them.
He spoke to them face to face saying: Am I not your Lord? And they all replied: Yes, we testify to it.
Allaah then explained why He had all of mankind bear witness that He was their Creator and the only true God worthy of worship. He said: That was in case you (mankind) should say on the Day of Resurrection, "Surely we were unaware of all this. We had no idea that You were our God." [Silsilah al ahadeeth as Saheehah, Narrated by ibn Abbaas, collected by Imaam Ahmad]
This is the reason why people who adopt Islaam are said to revert instead of convert, because they are going back to their original nature -- the one they were naturally created with -- which is automatically aligned with the Universe, its Creator and His Laws; as opposed to simply exchanging one set of beliefs for another.
Reverts to Islaam testify that this inner inclination to search for the Truth, to know and follow it is a major factor in their adopting the faith. It is interesting to see some of the reasons cited by reverts for adopting Islaam:
Islaamic Monotheism
"The Christian sect of Athanasians insistently inculcates the tenet that Christianity is based on a belief in three gods (Trinity), that a slightest doubt as to this belief will lead one to immediate perdition; and that a person who wishes to attain salvation in this world and the next should definitely hold a belief in the three gods: God, the Son of God, and the Holy Ghost.
When I became a Muslim, I received a letter, which said: "By becoming a Muslim you have damned yourself to perdition. No one can save you. For you deny the divinity of God." The poor man [who wrote that letter] thought that I no longer believed in God, not knowing that when Jesus had begun to preach, he stated the unity of God and he never claimed to be His son.
[Lord Headley al-Farooq; British diplomat, engineer]
An answer for every question:
"I would always search for causes and purposes for everything. I would anticipate logical explanations for them. On the other hand, the explanations provided by priests and other Christian men of religion did not satisfy me. Most of the time, instead of giving satisfactory answers to my questions, they would dismiss the matter with evasive prevarications such as, "We cannot understand these things. They are divine secrets" and "They are beyond the grasp of the human mind."
Upon this I decided to study, on the one hand, Oriental religions, and on the other hand, books written by famous philosophers. The books written by these philosophers always dealt with such subjects as protoplasms, atoms, molecules, and particles, and did not even touch on reflections such as "What becomes of the human soul?" "Where does the soul go after death?" "How should we discipline our souls in this world?"
The Islamic religion, on the other hand, treated the human subject not only within the corporeal areas, but also along the spiritual extensions. Therefore, I chose Islam not because I had lost my way, or only because Christianity had incurred my displeasure, or as a result of sudden decision, but, on the contrary, after very minutely studying it and becoming thoroughly convinced about its greatness, singularity, solemnity and perfection
[Muhammad Alexander Russell Webb; American diplomat, author]
Direct relationship with one's Creator:
Now I realize I can get in direct contact with God, unlike Christianity or any other religion. As one Hindu lady told me, "You don't understand the Hindus. We believe in one God; we use these objects (idols) to merely concentrate." What she was saying was that in order to reach God, one has to create associates, that are idols for the purpose. But Islam removes all these barriers.
[Yusuf Islaam, formerly Cat Stevens]
Universality:
Islam is a religion that belongs not only to the Arabs but to the entire humanity. This universal quality presents a sharp contrast with the Judaic religion, whose holy book always refers to the God of Israel.
One more thing that I love in Islam is that this religion recognizes all the prophets, makes no distinction between them and treats the believers of other religions with compassion.
[Mahmud Gunnar Ahmad, Swedish Muslim]
Absolute equality before God, extended brotherhood:
There were tens of thousands of pilgrims, from all over the world. They were of all colors, from blue-eyed blondes to black-skinned Africans. But we were all participating in the same ritual, displaying a spirit of unity and brotherhood that my experiences in America had led me to believe never could exist between the white and non-white.
America needs to understand Islam, because this is the one religion that erases from its society the race problem. Throughout my travels in the Muslim world, I have met, talked to, and even eaten with people who in America would have been considered white - but the white attitude was removed from their minds by the religion of Islam. I have never before seen sincere and true brotherhood practiced by all colors together, irrespective of their color.
You may be shocked by these words coming from me. But on this pilgrimage, what I have seen, and experienced, has forced me to rearrange much of my thought-patterns previously held, and to toss aside some of my previous conclusions. This was not too difficult for me. Despite my firm convictions, I have always been a man who tries to face facts, and to accept the reality of life as new experience and new knowledge unfolds it. I have always kept an open mind, which is necessary to the flexibility that must go hand in hand with every form of intelligent search for truth.
During the past eleven days here in the Muslim world, I have eaten from the same plate, drunk from the same glass, and slept on the same rug - while praying to the same God - with fellow Muslims, whose eyes were the bluest of blue, whose hair was the blondest of blond, and whose skin was the whitest of white. And in the words and in the deeds of the white Muslims, I felt the same sincerity that I felt among the black African Muslims of Nigeria, Sudan and Ghana. We were truly all the same (brothers) - because their belief in one God had removed the white from their minds, the white from their behavior, and the white from their attitude.
[Letter written from Makkah, by Malcolm X]
Purity of prayer:
If I were asked what impressed me most in the religion of Islam, I would probably say the prayers, because prayers in Christianity are used wholly in begging God (through Jesus Christ) to grant worldly favours, whereas in Islam they ar used to give praise and thanks to Almighty God for all His blessings since He knows what is necessary for our welfare and grants us what we need without our asking it.
[Cecilia Mahmuda Cannolly, Australian Muslim]
Women's rights and status:
No doubt, influenced by the usual condemnation of Islam from Christian pulpits on the subject, I picked on polygamy. At last I thought I had something; obviously Western monogamy was an improvement on this old system. I talked of it to my Muslim friend. He illustrated with the aid of newspaper articles how much true monogamy there was in England, and convinced me that a limited polygamy was the answer to the secret unions that are becoming so distressingly common in the West. My own common sense could see that, particularly after a war, when women of a certain age group far outnumber men, a percentage of them are destined to remain spinsters. Did God give them life for that? I recollect that on the radio programme known as `Dear Sir' an unmarried English girl had called for lawful polygamy, saying she would prefer a shared married life rather than the loneliness to which she seemed to be destined. In Islam no one is forced into a polygamous marriage, but in a perfect religion, the opportunity must be there to meet those cases where it is necessary.
[Mavis B Jolly, UK]
Belief in the Qur'aan as Divine Revelation:
I read as much of the Qur'aan as I could. I was immersed in it. As I read the verses in English, I repeated to myself over and over again, this is what I have always thought and believed. What kind of book was this? Before long I was reading the book and crying, and reading and crying... it was as if something had overtaken me... I forgot what I was looking for in particular, however when I came upon the verses in Surah Baqarah 122-141 regarding Prophet Ibrahim (AS) I had found my answer.
I had been searching for Isma'il (as), son of Prophet Ibrahim and his wife Hajarah, who had been missing from the Hebrew brothers story. In those verses I found the truth of religion... They say: Become Jews or Christians if ye would be guided (to salvation). Say thou: Nay! (I would rather) the religion of Abraham the True, and he joined not gods with Allah. Say ye: We believe in Allah, and the revelation given to us, and to Abraham, Isma'il, Isaac, Jacob and the Tribes, and that given to Moses and Jesus, and that given to (all) the Prophets from their Lord; We make no difference between one another of them: and we submit to Allah." (2:135-136) As I continued to read and cry, I became intent upon finding someone who could connect me with others who believed in this book!
[K H Abdul Lateef, USA]
The personal example of the Prophet Muhammad [SAW]:
I accepted Islam because I admired the Prophet Muhammad.[SAW]. I had quite a number of Muslim friends in Zanzibar, who gave me Islamic books, which I read in secrecy from my family. I became a Muslim despite the remonstrances of my family and the oppressions of the priests of Parsee religion, which had been my religion until that time. I held fast to my religion and resisted against all sorts of threats. Now I love Allaah and His last Prophet Muhammad [SAW] more than my life
[Faruq B Karai, Zanzibar]
Islaam withstands scrutiny and encourages reasoning:
Instead of asking a follower to believe in its precepts just "because" or someone asks them to, Islaam encourages people to think for themselves, reflect on the signs of God in Creation and within their own selves. Little wonder then that a sizable number of reverts are thinking people: scientists, astronomers, philosophers, doctors.
As created beings who can neither grant life nor ward off death, we owe it to ourselves and The One Who Created Us to discover the Truth, to follow it and to facilitate others to do the same.
[Source: All quotes from "Why I chose Islaam" and "Islaam: My choice"]
Protect Your Smile with Smart Food & Drink Choices
Protect Your Smile with Smart Food & Drink Choices
by Karen Collins, MS, RD, CDN, American Institute for Cancer Research
We all know that too much sugar leads to dental cavities. But did you know that researchers are just as concerned about exposure to acid (which could dissolve tooth enamel) from excessive consumption of soft drinks and fruit juice?
Skyrocketing consumption of soft drinks, fruit juice, energy and sports drinks has many health professionals concerned. In addition to the extra calories these drinks provide, they also contain acids that gradually dissolve the enamel of our teeth with long-term exposure. (The enamel is the thin, hard outer layer of our teeth that maintains tooth structure and acts as a barrier to decay. When enamel wears away, teeth become cracked, discolored and more sensitive to hot and cold).
A primary step in preventing this erosion of enamel is to limit carbonated soft drinks, according to the Academy of General Dentistry. Researchers emphasize that regular sugar-containing soft drinks seem to contain more acid and promote more erosion than diet soft drinks. But both types are far more acidic than water. Lemon iced tea and sports drinks have as much erosion-promoting acid as carbonated soft drinks since they too contain phosphoric and citric acids.
Fruit juices are also cause for concern. Although they can be good sources of vitamins and phytochemicals, they are concentrated in sugar and studies show that their natural acid content can promote erosion, too. In one study, immersing slices of enamel from freshly extracted teeth in any of these drinks for 48 hours – equal to less than two years of typical beverage consumption – dissolved an average of four percent of the enamel.
In addition to limiting the amount of consumption, the Academy of General Dentistry recommends consuming acidic drinks in limited time periods – rather than sipping them throughout the day. You can further reduce exposure to the acid by using a straw. Another tip: Don’t rush to brush your teeth right after consuming these drinks. Tooth enamel remains softened and more susceptible to mechanical abrasion for about an hour after acid exposure. Instead, rinse your mouth with water or chew sugarless gum to stimulate saliva production, which helps to neutralize acidity.
Of course, enamel erosion isn’t the only dental problem associated with poor nutrition. Dental cavities are also problematic. These areas of tooth decay develop when the natural bacteria present in our mouths decompose the remnants of sugary or starchy foods left on our teeth. This process produces acids that dissolve the minerals in our teeth, weakening them and leading to decay. The good news: Our saliva neutralizes these acids and contains minerals that can strengthen our teeth.
Although we most often hear about cavities related to consumption of sweets, researchers say there are other culprits. In addition to sugar, many other types of carbohydrate are also to blame, for example, those found in foods like chips, bread and crackers. While some of these carbohydrate-containing foods supply important nutrients and fiber, when we nibble on these foods all day, our teeth are constantly bathed in carbohydrate. Foods that are sticky (whether jelly beans, raisins or granola bars) pose extra problems by supplying carbohydrate that is harder for saliva to wash away.
The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry notes another reason for tooth decay – most notable among the youngest patients. Children put to bed with a bottle, experts say, are at increased risk as the milk, formula or juice will pool around teeth during sleep, promoting tooth decay.
In a nutshell, tooth damage and decay depend on the amount of carbohydrate, the type of food or drink, and the length of exposure. Saliva can play a large role in helping to wash away the culpable carbohydrate and neutralize the acids that have formed. Some dentists recommend sugarless gum to stimulate saliva flow, but simply limiting between-meal snacking and rinsing the mouth with water is also effective. All this is, of course, in addition to regular brushing and flossing of teeth.
Provided by American Institute of Cancer Research
Every Woman...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own even if she never wants
to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her
dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black
lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who
lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone
else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a
recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB,
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER,
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its
over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't
take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...
-Maya Angelou
A Letter to YOU- From Satan!
Dear Soul,
I saw you yesterday as you began your daily
chores.
You awoke without kneeling to pray Fajr.
As a matter of fact, you didn't even say
Bismillah
before your meals, or
pray Isha before going to bed last night.
You are so unthankful, I like that about you.
I cannot tell you how glad I am that you have not
changed your way of living,
Fool, you are mine.
Remember, you and I have been going steady for
years,
and I still don't love you yet.
As a matter of fact, I hate you, because I hate
Allah.
I am only using you to get even with Allah.
He kicked me out of heaven, and I'm going to use
you as long as possible to pay him back.
You see, Fool, ALLAH LOVES YOU and HE has great
plans in store for you.
But you have yielded your life to me,
and I'm going to make your life a living hell.
That way, we'll be together twice.
This will really hurt Allah.
Thanks to you, I'm really showing Him who's boss
in your life
with all of the good times we've had.
We have been watching dirty movies, cursing
people out, stealing,
lying, being hypocritical, fornicating,
overeating, telling dirty jokes,
gossiping, being judgmental, back stabbing
people, disrespecting adults,
and those in leadership positions, no respect for
the Mosque, bad attitudes.
SURELY you don't want to give all this up.
Come on, Fool, let's burn together forever.
I've got some hot plans for us.
This is just a letter of appreciation from me to
you.
I'd like to say 'THANKS' for letting me use you
for most of your foolish life.
You are so gullible, I laugh at you.
When you are tempted to sin, you give in HA HA
HA,
you make me sick.
Sin is beginning to take its toll on your life.
You look 20 years older, and now, I need new
blood.
So go ahead and teach some children how to sin.
All you have to do is smoke, get drunk or drink
while under-aged,
cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate, and live being
as selfish as possible.
Do all of this in the presence of children and
they will do it too.
Kids are like that.
Well, Fool, I have to let you go for now.
I'll be back in a couple of seconds to tempt you
again.
If you were smart, you would run somewhere,
repent for your sins,
and live for Allah with what little bit of life
that you have left.
It's not my nature to warn anyone, but to be your
age and still sinning,
it's becoming a bit ridiculous.
Don't get me wrong, I still hate you.
IT'S JUST THAT YOU'D MAKE A BETTER FOOL FOR
ALLAH.
PS If you really love me, you won't share this letter with anyone
Your "Friend",
Satan
Ten Thoughts to Ponder
TEN THOUGHS TO PONDER
Remember that your Lord forgives those who ask Him for forgiveness, and He accepts the repentance of those who repent, and He accepts those who come back to Him.
Show mercy to the weak, and you will be happy; give to the needy, and you will be well; do not bear grudges and you will be healthy.
Be optomistic, for Allah is with you, and the angels are praying for forgiveness for you, and Paradise awaits you.
Wipe away your tears, think well of your Lord, and chase away your worries be remembering the blessings Allah has bestowed upon you.
Do not think that this world is ever perfect for anyone. There is no one on the face of the earth who gets all that he wants or is free from all kinds of distress.
Be like a tall tree with with high aims; if a stone is thrown at it, it simply lets its fruit drop.
Have you ever heard that grief brings back what has been lost, or that worry corrects mistakes? So why grieve and worry then?
Do you expect trials and calamities, rather expect peace, safety and good health, if Allah wills.
Extinguish the flame of hatred form your heart by forgiving everyone who has hurt you.
Ghusl, Wadu, siwak and being organized are effective medicines for all kinds of distress and worry.
From Book: "You can be the Happiest Woman in the World"
The Ideal Muslim Woman
“You Can Be The Happiest Woman In The World: A Treasure Chest of Reminders”
YES!
Yes to your beautiful smile that sends a message of warmth and friendliness to others.
Yes to acceptable charity that brings happiness to the poor and feeds the hungry.
Yes to sitting with the Qur’an, reciting it, pondering its meanings and acting upon them, and repenting and seeking forgiveness.
Yes to remembering Allah a great deal and praying for forgiveness, persisting in dua and offering sincere repentance.
Yes to raising your children in Islam, teaching them the Sunnah and guiding them to that which will benefit them.
Yes to modesty and Hijab as enjoined by Allah, which is the means of self-protection.
Yes to the friendship of good women who fear Allah, love Islam and respect high values.
Yes to honoring ones parents, upholding the ties of kinship, honoring one's neighbors and caring for orphans.
Yes to reading useful, interesting and beneficial books.
NO!
No to wasting time in trivial pursuits, and love of revenge and futile arguments.
No to giving priority to money and accumulation of wealth over one's health, happiness, sleep and peace of mind.
No to seeking out other people's faults and backbiting about them, whilst forgetting one's own faults.
No to indulging in physical pleasure and indulging in to every whim and desire.
No to waisting time with shallow people and spending hours in idle pursuits.
No to neglecting physical hygiene and cleanliness in the house, and being disorganized at home.
No to haraam drinks, cigarettes, sheesha/ hookah pipes, and all foul things.
No to thinking of past calamities and dwelling on past mistakes.
No to forgetting the Hereafter and neglecting to strive for it, and to being careless of what will happen in the Hereafter.
No to wasting money on haraam things, being extravagant with regard to permissible things, and falling short in acts of worship.
From Book: "You can be the Happiest Woman in the World"
Woman of the Veil
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
by Hena Farooq
Her long, thick, shiny black hair
Fell against her back.
Her rich, copper skin
Gleamed in the sunlight.
Her slender figure outlined,
With her soft voluptuous curves.
But when she stepped outside,
She became a ghostly figure of the night.
Nothing more to the people
Than a dark, shadowy figure of oppression.
But she showed them.
As she walked down the street,
People made way,
Men lowered their gazes in utmost respect.
And others whispered,
As she held her head up high,
With pride in her belief
And showed them how oppressed she really was!
While they whistled at their women,
Looking them up and down as they were pieces of meat to be inspected?
She pitied their savage ways.
As she walked into the arms of her partner,
Her only love, Her husband.
Where she was transformed,
Into her beautiful self,
For only his eyes to see.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Choosing your Friends Wisely...
Ibn Qudamah al-Maqdisi said:
"Know that not everyone is suitable to be your friend. You must verify that this potential friend has the necessary characteristics that make friendship with him something to be desired. The one you seek to befriend must have five characteristics:
He must be intelligent, as there is no good in befriending an idiot, as he will only harm you when he wants to benefit you. By intelligent, we mean one who understands things as they are, either on his own, or if they are explained to him;
He must have good manners, and this is a must. One who is simply intelligent might be overcome by anger or desire, and obey his desire. Thus, there would be no benefit in befriending him;
He must not be a fasiq, as such a person would not fear Allah, and whoever does not fear Allah cannot be trusted;
He must not be an innovator, as his abundance of innovation is feared from befriending him;
He should not be eager for the dunya."
['Mukhtasar Minhaj al-Qasidin'; p. 126-132]
"Know that not everyone is suitable to be your friend. You must verify that this potential friend has the necessary characteristics that make friendship with him something to be desired. The one you seek to befriend must have five characteristics:
He must be intelligent, as there is no good in befriending an idiot, as he will only harm you when he wants to benefit you. By intelligent, we mean one who understands things as they are, either on his own, or if they are explained to him;
He must have good manners, and this is a must. One who is simply intelligent might be overcome by anger or desire, and obey his desire. Thus, there would be no benefit in befriending him;
He must not be a fasiq, as such a person would not fear Allah, and whoever does not fear Allah cannot be trusted;
He must not be an innovator, as his abundance of innovation is feared from befriending him;
He should not be eager for the dunya."
['Mukhtasar Minhaj al-Qasidin'; p. 126-132]
60 Ways to Keep your Wife's Love
60 Ways to Keep your Wife's Love
1. Make her feel secure and sakinah - don’t threaten her with divorce
2. Give sincere salaams
3. Treat her gently - like a fragile vessel
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere
5. Be generous with her
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart
7. Avoid anger, keep wudu at all times
8. Look good and smell great for your wife
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken
10. Be a good listener
11. Yes for flattery, No for arguing
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, names she loves to hear
13. Utilize pleasant surprises
14. Preserve and guard the tongue
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings
16. Give sincere compliments
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family
18. Speak about topics that interest her
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is
20. Give each other gifts
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her
22. Have a good opinion of each other
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick
24. Add a drop of patience, increase drops during pregnancy, menses
25. Expect and respect her jealously
26. Be humble
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers
28. Help at home and with housework
29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you
31. Remember your wife in dua
32. Leave the past for Allah subhanahu wa ta ala, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family
34. Take shaytaan as your enemy, not your wife
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect
37. Show her your smile
38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they become big
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within halal boundaries
43. Help her take care of the children
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments
45. Sit down and eat meals together
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice
47. Don’t leave home in anger
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home
49. Encourage each other in ibaadat
50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, “Don’t jump on her like a bull”
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside
54. Show care for her health and well-being
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal
60. Have a good intention for her
60 Ways to Keep Your Husband's Love
60 Ways to Keep Your Husband's Love
1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn't want a man for his wife!
2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don't stay in your sleeping suit all day.
3. Smell good!
4. Don't lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.
5. Don't keep asking him, "what are you thinking?"
6. Stop nagging non-stop before Allah ta'ala gives you something really to complain about.
7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet, not even under the pretense of seeking help! If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues, then go seek counseling with the right person who can give advice in either:
8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.
9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam. Focus on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights
10. Race to the door when he comes home, as if you were waiting for him. Smile and hug him.
11. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.
12. Compliment him on the things you know he's not so confident about (looks, intelligence, etc.) This will build his self-esteem.
13. Tell him he's the best husband ever.
14. Call his family often.
15. Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more.
16. When he's talking about something boring, listen and nod your head. Even ask questions to make it seem like you're interested.
17. Encourage him to do good deeds.
18. If he's in a bad mood, give him some space. He'll get over it, inshaAllah.
19. Thank him sincerely for providing you with food and shelter. It's a big deal.
20. If he's angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you're quiet.You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he's calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.
21. When you're mad at him, don't say "YOU make me furious", rather, "This action makes me upset". Direct your anger to the action and circumstance rather than at him.
22. Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration.
23. Let him chill with his friends without guilt, especially if they're good guys.
Encourage him to go out, so he doesn't feel "cooped up" at home.
24. If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it. Really
25. Learn how to tell him what you expect without him having to guess all the time. Learn to communicate your feelings.
26. Don't get mad over small things. It's not worth it.
27. Make jokes. If you're not naturally funny, go on the internet and read some jokes, and then tell them to him.
28. Tell him you're the best wife ever and compliment yourself on certain things you know you're good at.
29. Learn to make his favorite dish.
30. Don't ever, EVER talk bad about him with friends or family unnecessarily. If they end up agreeing with you, you will see that it hits you back in the face because you get more depressed that you have a bad husband–and other people also think you have a bad husband.
31. Use your time wisely and get things accomplished. If you're a home-maker, take online classes and get active in your community. This will make you happy and a secondary bonus is that it impresses your husband.
32. Do all of the above fee sabeelillah and you will see Allah put barakah in everything you do.
33. Husband and wife should discuss and communicate with wisdom with each other to convey what they like and dislike of each other to do or not to do. Do NOT give commands or instructions like he's your servant. "They are garment to each other" [Surah Baqarah, 2:187]
34. Tell your husband you love him, many, many times. Aisha, radiallahu anha, narrated that the Prophet , salallahu alaihi wasalaam, used to ask her how strong her love for him, she said like "a knot." And the next time he would ask her, "How is that knot?" He also used to reply to her saying, "Jazzakillah, O Aishah, wallahi, you have not rejoiced in me as I have rejoiced in you."
35. Have a race with your husband and let him win, even if you are much fitter and stronger than him.
36. Keep fit and take care of your health so you will remain a strong mother, wife, cook and housekeeper, inshaAllah you will not get FAT and frumpy.
37. Refine and cultivate good mannerisms i.e do not whine, don't laugh or talk too loud or walk like an elephant.
38. Do not leave the house without his permission and certainly not without his knowledge.
39. Make sure all his clothes are clean and pressed so he is always looking fresh and crisp.
40. Don't discuss important/controversial matters with him when he is tired or sleepy. Find right time for right discussion.
41. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
42. Always let him know that you appreciate him working and bringing home the "dough". It makes it easier for him to go to work.
43. Make sure you ALWAYS have something for dinner.
44. Brush your hair, everyday.
45. Don't forget to do laundry.
46. Surprise him with gifts. Even necessities, such as new shoes, can be gifts.
47. Listen to him. (Even when he talks about extremely boring things like basketball or computers.)
48. Try (hard as it might be) to take interest in his hobbies
49. Try not to go shopping too much … and spend all his money.
50. Look attractive and be seductive towards him. Flirt with him.
51. Learn tricks and "techniques" to please your husband in intimacy. (Of course goes both ways.)
52. Prepare for special evenings with him with special dinner and exclusive time (no children permitted).
53. Take care of your skin, especially your face. The face is center of attraction.
54. If you not satisfied intimately, talk to him and tell him. Help him or provide resources, don't wait until matters become worse.
55. Ask Allah to strengthen and preserve the bonds of compassion and love between the two of you, every day, every prayer. Ask him to protect that bond from Shaytaan. When a lesser devil destroys the love between spouses, he is the most beloved of Shaytaan. Nothing works like du'ah, and love only exists between spouses where Allah instills it.
56. Don't EVER compare your husbands to other husbands! For example don't say, "well her husband doesn't do that, why do you …" (thats a killer!)
57. Be happy with what you have because no one is perfect. If you want perfection, wait until you enter Jannah together inshaAllah–and of course, vice versa!
58. Strive for Allah's love first and foremost! if all wives try to seek Allah's love and pleasure, surely, they can keep their husbands love too. And remember–if Allah loves you, the angels will love you, and the entire creation will love you.
59. If you pack a lunch for your husband to take to work, from time to time
sneak in a little love note or sweet poem. If he doesn't take a lunch, leave the note somewhere else for him to find, like in his briefcase, or wallet or on the car steering-wheel
60. Wake him up for Qiyam ul-Layl (in the last third of the night) and ask him to pray with you.
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